Sunday, March 08, 2009

Tick tock, tick tock


This week has made me more thankful for the positives in my life. They are helping me stay focused and confident, which is exactly what I need. I did something for myself this weekend and I'm elated. It's rare I act on emotion (whether good or bad), but I just went with it. Still logical in my thought process, naturally, but I did something for myself and I'm really excited.

My concern is this: in the long-run, will this have been a healthy thing for me? My concern in that is if I'm subconsciously creating a negative out of a positive. A self-sabotage, if you will. I'm worried the short term will be good, but the long-term might not. Just something in the back of my mind.

I'm still as anxious as ever. I want for it so badly to be a few months down the road where I'm engulfed in a new surrounding and new people. My experiences for the last year have been positive, just not where I expected them to be. I know now I had too much riding on my job and experience here. I convinced myself it would be a radical change when deep down, I had to know it wouldn't be.

I guess I just have to keep dealing with my impatience until I pack up my apartment and head to wherever it is I'm going. I guess now I'm just more antsy than ever since I've been waiting almost two years for it and now that I only have a few months left, I'm chomping at the bit.

I think my goal should be to stay focused in the present because I know change will be there in the future. We'll see how good it goes!

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