I want to cry.

That's all I want out of life right now. I'm not saying "I want to cry" because something happened to me. I want to cry because I can't. The last time I cried was indescribable. I haven't cried that hard in years. It was two weeks ago for something I needed to hear for sometime. Before that, I don't even remember the last time I had cried.

It was such a release that I envy those who can cry with no qualms or restrictions. I feel so inhuman for not being able to do something so natural.

I try to self-sabotage myself into thinking of something worth crying about: pain, death, loss. I can't fool myself, though. I obviously don't want anything bad to happen to anyone. I just want to know I'm alive.