My brain is all out of sorts. I've been perusing around the Internet all day and I've had a lot of time to sit here and think about my future. It's pretty scary, to be completely honest, but at the same time, I'm so unbelievably excited.

My woes consist of whether or not I'm staying in Northern Cali or moving to LA. I've already psyched myself up to move down south: mentally prepared myself, told the parentals it's a go, applied to numerous jobs in the media industry. Now, I have an interview on Thursday for a university up here in San Rafael and I can honestly say I'm afraid to get it. Much like my UCLA debacle, I would have been excited to know if I got in or not because it would force me to make a decision I didn't want to make: stay or go. Now that I've made up my mind I want to go, I can't very well pass up a professional job in the field I want to study just because it's not in the area I want it...especially because it's so hard to find a job right now.

Maybe I'm getting my hopes up. As much as I know I'm qualified for the position, maybe they will turn me down again (I already applied to a job at this university and didn't get it). Begrudgingly, I have learned to not get my hopes up after my declination to UCLA so if something doesn't work out in my favor, I cannot be as worked up about it as before.

I admittedly have tunnel vision right now and the light at the end of it is the shining lights of LA. And it's not just the conventional LA "thing" so many people cringe at. It's the lifestyle, the atmosphere, the company, the nightlife, the opportunities, all of that and then some.

This is one of those moments I completely envy those individuals who can throw caution to the wind and pick up everything to follow their dream. I'm far too analytical and hypercritical to do that. As much as I want to, my gut says, "don't." I guess what it comes down to is whether or not I get that job. I can't pass it up if opportunity comes knocking at my door. I can't not also follow my heart.