Joining You

I was hoping

2009-07-01T21:13:00.000-07:00

I don't think anything in particular has triggered the feelings I've been having today. I was thinking about my move to the East and how the relationships in my life right now are a bit frustrating. I guess directly and indirectly because of it, I'm ready to go...like now.

A part of me is thinking, "you're ready because you don't want to deal with what's frustrating you." In all honesty, there is probably truth in that. The other part of me is acknowledging that I've wanted this for SO long now; over a year and a half. Now that I have less than a month here, my level of impatience is hitting an all-time high. The last month or so that I've known I'm leaving has been tremendously unnerving: I'm quitting my job, I'm moving out of California, I'm away from my family and friends, etc. etc. etc. I'm over all that. Really. This has totally become my own Kubler-Ross model. Not sure if grief is the right word, though.

My tunnel vision is narrowing in on itself. I think it's mixed with equal parts anticipation as well as coping mechanism. My mind is on a bullet train heading east all while still unwilling to leave the gate.

Doing it for the fame

2009-06-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

I have a date with New York City. It's going to develop into a relationship, which will most likely lead to love. I can feel it.

Every day hits me more and more. I'm going to be living in New York. AH, seeing it on screen freaks me out. In a good way, too. Definitely a mix of good thrown into it. I was stressed out about it this morning, and probably will continue to stress until I'm actually there. Despite the fact I haven't left yet, I find myself already starting to miss the simple pleasures of life here. Driving in my car, my favorite radio station, In-n-Out Burger...but I digress.

Talking about it to people definitely served as a coping mechanism. Reassurance is my best friend, at this point.

In one month, I quit my job and move to New York.

(insert inaudible scream here)

Tell me life is beautiful

2009-05-06T21:18:00.000-07:00

It's been too long. Exactly a month. A month full of insecurity. Insecurity on all fronts. Insecurities about the past, the present, and the future. Cliché, yes. Truthful, yes.

Though it's not like me, I'm looking for clarity when I go home this weekend. Retrospectively, my nuclear family hasn't ever really given me a ton of clarity, but it's never too late to start, I suppose. I see/feel everyone around me getting into their groove, so to speak. Making meaningful relationships, preparing for out-of-character adventures, being wrapped up in life's daily activities (whether good or bad). This past week or so got my brain really thinking logically. Moreso than usual. I've wanted to volunteer at every non-profit I've encountered or donate to a needy cause. I want to make a mark again because right now, the only mark I'm making is the indent in my chair.

Where I am in life right now, I guess I'm just looking for clarity. When logic doesn't pan out, it coufuses me to a point where the irrationality is all I can think about. Now I'm not sure if I need something familiar (which sounds attractive) or something completely different and new (which sounds exciting). I want to throw in the towel because it would be the easy thing to do, but in doing so, I don't even know what throwing in the towel would entail. I wouldn't grow from it, so there can't be a point.

I want structure. I need structure. It sounds boring when I see it written on the screen, but I need some semblence of it. Then again, life is boring now, generally speaking, so I guess structure can only mean moving forward. In a way, I have structure now, but it's just not the kind I want. I'm looking for a creative, intuitive structure that will take me to that next level of self-realization. I miss that growth. I feel like I've plateaued. How is that exciting?

I'm leaving in two months to move to either the 1st or 2nd largest cities in the entire country. I smiled just writing that. Please get here soon.

Doth I protest too much?

2009-04-06T20:27:00.000-07:00

I had a light bulb moment that needed to be let out.

My emotions have been heightened lately and I couldn't think of the source of origin. I almost hate that I only seem to write in here when emotions are high, but to some degree, it has to help. I feel I write better when tensions are high too.

I'm stressing. What I thought to be my back-up grad school is now not. I wasn't offered the position I applied for. It caught me completely off guard because it was something I was more than confident I was going to get. Total blow to my self-esteem. It hurt, but all I can do is move forward from it. I was pretty upset about it on Friday when I found out. Today, I can't say that I am. No sour grapes, just more pressure to get the internship in New York.

Realistically, I have a good shot at this internship. Ever since my visit, I've been completely focused on a new life in NY and embarking on my next phase of personal growth. I don't want to be unprepared like last year when I had no plan B, so I'm already thinking of my hypothetical plans B and C, even though I struggle to think about them at all because they could very well be the reality of what happens.

Going back to my light bulb moment. I recently had to re-evaluate probably one of my most significant relationships I've had so far in my life. I feel like I've been knocked down several pegs by someone I thought could never do that to me. After being avoided by this person, my thoughts and emotions couldn't stay dormant anymore and in my attempt to facilitate an open dialogue, I was left with an overall feeling of disloyalty and distrust...both of which are the complete opposite of who I strive to be.

I feel lost, in a sense. As if I've had this idea in my head for a few years only for it to be chipped away. Chip doesn't even cover it for me. Right now, it feels like a hearty slice was taken out of a relationship I valued more than most. I really don't know how to process it, to be honest. There is so much I want to say, but in doing so, will it make a difference? I was basically shut down the last time I expressed where I was at, so my confidence is low.

Because of this, I feel my disappointing news this past week is amplified. Anyone that knows me knows I value my relationships more than anything else in life. For one of my most significant ones to change this much is creating this sense of insecurity in anything I've invested myself into. I'm afraid to be disappointed again. Though disappointment is inevitable, I hope the next time it happens, it doesn't involve so much of my core being.

Starstruck

2009-03-29T09:15:00.000-07:00

Did the last few days really just happen?

A week and a half ago, I was sitting at work minding my own business, and then got an e-mail inviting me to interview at NYU. The last few days have gone by so unbelievably fast, it honestly feels like a really long dream. I saw New York City for the first time and everyone was right: I loved it.

It's such a paradoxical city, which is what I loved. It was an amazingly scary place, full of overwhelming traffic and people, yet everything seemed to mesh together seamlessly and create an environment of constant excitement. It probably has a lot to do with it being my first time there, but I have a feeling that even though that feeling might diminish just a bit, there's always going to be an overall sense of thrill and fun.

Even more importantly, the students and the MA program there are incredible. The people, the program, and the city all seem like they have so much to offer. After 6 interviews in a row, I'm confident one will work out for me. I went into one of them a bit narrow-minded (which is not like me at all), and came out of it with a brand new notion and personal challenge. I hope the cards fall in my favor because that would definitely facilitate some much needed growth for me and the students I would be working with.

Sure, I got there and they misplaced my luggage and my taxi driver was badgering me for an address to take me to, and the flight back was delayed over 2 hours. Now that the whirlwind is over, I don't think I would have changed it.

Maybe it's still the high of New York wearing off or the nice change of pace from an overal mundane current lifestyle...probably both, huh? Whether it's now or later on in life, I want the badge of honor to say I've lived in New York only to look back and say, "I wouldn't have changed it for anything in the world."

so that makes it all your fault

2009-03-15T17:33:00.000-07:00

I'm living by the notion that everything happens for a reason. Right now, it's the only way I allow myself to maintain composure.

I'm thoroughly disappointed. The first thing that came to mind was heart-broken, but I'm not. Whatever emotion that falls between disappointment and heartbreak, that's where I'm at. Nothing lately has seemed to have any semblance of follow through, and it's infuriating, really. Ultimately, I'm guessing the life lesson out of it is not to put your trust in something(?)

I know that's not the reality. I had a healthy excitement for plans I made and now they're not happening. Trying to justify a positive out of it right now is hard. I know it's not impossible, but that doesn't help.

I guess I'm almost mad at myself for being upset at the situations that arise in my life. There are so many worse things I could be dealing with, knock on wood. I feel like I don't even have a right to complain.

Someone press the fast forward button.

Tick tock, tick tock

2009-03-08T20:58:00.000-07:00

This week has made me more thankful for the positives in my life. They are helping me stay focused and confident, which is exactly what I need. I did something for myself this weekend and I'm elated. It's rare I act on emotion (whether good or bad), but I just went with it. Still logical in my thought process, naturally, but I did something for myself and I'm really excited.

My concern is this: in the long-run, will this have been a healthy thing for me? My concern in that is if I'm subconsciously creating a negative out of a positive. A self-sabotage, if you will. I'm worried the short term will be good, but the long-term might not. Just something in the back of my mind.

I'm still as anxious as ever. I want for it so badly to be a few months down the road where I'm engulfed in a new surrounding and new people. My experiences for the last year have been positive, just not where I expected them to be. I know now I had too much riding on my job and experience here. I convinced myself it would be a radical change when deep down, I had to know it wouldn't be.

I guess I just have to keep dealing with my impatience until I pack up my apartment and head to wherever it is I'm going. I guess now I'm just more antsy than ever since I've been waiting almost two years for it and now that I only have a few months left, I'm chomping at the bit.

I think my goal should be to stay focused in the present because I know change will be there in the future. We'll see how good it goes!

For the record

2009-02-20T20:51:00.000-08:00

I don't want to hear another single person give me their input on where I should go to school this year. You might love me, be well-educated, have had tremendous life experiences, but if one more person tells me what I should do with me life, I might lose it.

Unless I specifically ask you, please stop giving me your two cents because I've already received a few bucks.

This is who I am

2009-02-16T14:42:00.000-08:00

I've had a recent surge of self-assurance lately and it's the best I've felt in a while. I've felt really good about the way I look, my friendships, and what my core being is. I think it stems from getting into a master's program at USC and I couldn't be happier; it's an indication I'm on my way. I'm keeping my hopes up to see if I get into the schools I applied to on the East Coast, but really, anywhere I end up, I'll be happy. I'm going to work towards a degree that's going to get me to where I want to be.

The first people I called when I was informed of my acceptance were my parents, naturally. My mom was ecstatic, of course. I know I need to write about how my dad reacted because it's still bothering me. It was just another reminder of his inability to show any sort of emotionally acceptance of my achievements (at least outwardly). The first words out of his mouth were, "how much is the program going to cost?"

He bombarded me with questions about the entire thing, which I expected. We don't talk much, so for all I know, this could have been the first time he knew I was applying (even though I had told him previously). No congratulations were in order whatsoever. His final response was "I appreciate you calling me." I think what's upsetting is I'm doing this for myself, not asking for any help from him at all, and he can't show any means of support. His means of support is sending me a check every once in a while to "help with finances." Completely appreciated, but the exact opposite form of support I need from him. It's been difficult to come to terms with the fact that he's probably never going to be the support system I really need. This was just another chip away to the already disagreeable relationship we have.

Other than familial emotions, other emotions were brought up this past weekend, but thankfully, not as many as I expected. I talked to the people I love and that was enough for me. I had been thinking a lot about my ex the past week, which of course was some means of self-sabotage with V-day, but it happened and passed. I recently came to acknowledge I still have feelings for him, and I'm ok with that. There's obviously nothing I can do about it at the moment, as 3,000 miles pretty much negates any means of togetherness, but it is what it is.

I want what I had with him again. Realistically, it can't be with him, but I want "that" again. Until then, I'm just going to anxiously anticipate my transition into school and whatever metropolitan area I land.

That I Would Be Good

2009-02-01T22:26:00.000-08:00

This week has helped me come to some realizations about myself. All things considering, I knew about it before, but verbalizing it this week to some friends made it real for me. There were still some epiphanies that came out of the woodwork I had never thought of, however.

I've lost touch with who I am as a person (only in some respects) and I need to fix it. I've been acting out of character, which should have raised a red flag long ago. I know why I'm acting the way I am, but that doesn't justify it at all.

It basically comes down to getting more comfortable with myself and my situation. I think I've been getting caught up in the future a bit more than I usually do and I need to refocus on the present. I need to utilize my time more wisely and concentrate on my overall well-being.

Another part of it could be concentrating on the loved ones in my life. For whatever reason, the last month was a hurricane of emotions in the relationships department. I'm not the victim of it, by any means. I don't know what I would be in this metaphor. The weatherman? The Red Cross? A little bit of both?

I want everyone I care about to be content in their life situations. I need to find balance of being an emotionally supportive friend and emotionally supporting myself all at once. It's something I'm more than happy do. I need to lend a shoulder, an ear, any and all parts of myself as a friend to my friends, because I know they would do the same. I also need to realize the advice I'm dishing out is advice I need to take myself.

As I've been encouraging my friends to do what makes them happiest, I need to do the same for myself.

Where I'm at

2009-01-24T22:06:00.000-08:00

Though it's a new year with new beginnings, I want to get back to my roots: writing.

An up and down month for sure, but still looking to a brighter horizon. This year is going to be good. great, even. It needs to be. I won't settle for anything less. Last year was by far the worst year ever, negative after negative just snowballing into a metaphoric avalanche of emotion that I'm not ready to deal with again. Some stuff, ever.

I think the one thing I'm somewhat disappointed with are the lack of new people in my life. I'm completely satisfied with the friends I have (when I see them), but being out of college and not meeting a new person every week or day is downright odd. I've eliminated the toxic relationships in my life and to be completely honest, it's been great. Purging what was necessary was exactly what I needed.

Perhaps I'm romanticizing the beginning of the new year like everyone else does? To a certain extent, I have to be, right? At the same time, I don't want to be clumped into the category of an unhealthy public wanting to get in shape or stop smoking or end whatever vice is taking over their lives.

On that note, Ive been eating vegetarian for over 4 months now and I feel good about myself. Really good. Work might suck (hard), I might get lonely in my studio apartment sometimes, but goddammit, I feel good about myself and my eating habits!

I'm excited for new beginnings, whether in health, relationships, travel, school, whatever. I want to focus on being my true self in a new place. That is the change I want. The change I need.

2008-08-17T18:36:00.000-07:00

Ok, not a depressing entry. I can blame this on being inspired to write by the Ray of Light album. It never gets old.

Overall an awkward weekend, but I can look back on it now and laugh. I'm not thinking too much about it anymore; at least not in a negative light. I'm feeling optimistic, but I couldn't tell you why. I think a few words of encouragement helped a bit from a co-worker, along with a brief conversation with a friend. It keeps me motivated, especially when work and life in general have been pretty dull lately.

I've been thinking about how I'm envious of friends in SoCal with their "LA adventures" and "grad school endeavors," but the reality is there's nothing I can do about it but be happy for them. And live vicariously through them too. It never hurt anyone.

I'm definitely excited an old roomie is moving back up here from LA. Now, she'll be the closest friend to my place, so I'm excited for late night shenanigans and outings to fabulous eateries or little hole in the wall places.

I'm glad the summer is over because it's been rough.

2008-08-13T21:38:00.001-07:00

I think I just realized that I'm starved for male attention. It's like the light bulb just went off in my head. It's so obvious now, but I'm actually afraid of this feeling now.

I'm not sure what it means.

2008-07-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

I don't feel a connection with anyone.

It looks scarier now that I see it on the screen. I think I'm negatively reverting to the people I've had connections with. That is definitely no good. I called Mark about a week ago just because. I don't know what possessed me to do it at the time, but now it's almost obvious I just want to know I'm validated; that I can have that again with someone else (?) Thankfully, his phone was off. I thought about it more and more after the fact and thought, what the hell would I have talked about anyways? We haven't talked in so long, I don't know what to say to him.

I think the Coldplay concert was good for me. Thank God I love their music and it evokes emotion out of me. Emotions I'm usually not in tune with. I got teary eyed, but I was too self-conscious to cry. I wish I hadn't been.

It makes sense I'm thinking about my ex's recently because I had something with them...and I want to know I'm going to have that again. Yay for self-destructive behavior!

It's a selfish thought, but I need to know I'm wanted.

2008-06-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

I want to cry.

That's all I want out of life right now. I'm not saying "I want to cry" because something happened to me. I want to cry because I can't. The last time I cried was indescribable. I haven't cried that hard in years. It was two weeks ago for something I needed to hear for sometime. Before that, I don't even remember the last time I had cried.

It was such a release that I envy those who can cry with no qualms or restrictions. I feel so inhuman for not being able to do something so natural.

I try to self-sabotage myself into thinking of something worth crying about: pain, death, loss. I can't fool myself, though. I obviously don't want anything bad to happen to anyone. I just want to know I'm alive.

2008-06-05T20:50:00.000-07:00

I had a little surge of emotion, so I felt it appropriate to write about it. Though it was already apparently to me, I find myself a bitter person. No one is perfect, so I accept this as one of my imperfections.

I'm not exactly sure how to go about my situation. I thought moving would help...and it has definitely. At the same time, I'm left alone with my thoughts, which can be a difficult place to be left. How is it you can accept things the way they are but not be happy with them?

I'm not exactly sure what I wanted to accomplish in my stint of independence. A part of me thinks I somehow would have forgotten all of the emotional baggage I had before. I don't know why I didn't think that was unrealistic until now, but I guess the important things is that I'm not subconsciously duping myself now.

I had a feeling I was ready for some sort of transformation. Not sure what transformation I want, though. I somehow feel it is the right time in my life for one. It's such a transitionary phase for me right now, I'm expecting something out of it. In my defense, I've been here all of two weeks, so I can't expect anything to happen overnight. I need to be patient. That's what I need work on.

When I got to college, I completely came out of my shell and became who I really believe I am. As a result, I think I've convinced myself my life was going to take another 180 at this point. In a way, I really want it to. I had such a positive experience doing it, I think, "why not?"

I'm not sure what it's going to take to get me to the next level.

2008-05-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a while and I wasn't planning on it right now, but I have a break from work and I feel it is necessary to get this all out of my system. Hopefully, it will improve my day.

Much has changed in my life since last writing in here. I've moved into my own place and started a new job, both of which I truly enjoy. I'm still trying to adjust to the noise level of my apartment. Thankfully, I'm on the top floor, so there is no overhead noise, but my next door neighbor slams the door in a way that could wake the dead and directly below my windows is the street and dumpsters. Maybe I'll try earplugs when I go to sleep.

I think I'm going to blame my foul mood on the weather and what today is. I'm concentrating too much on someone that I shouldn't be, which is getting me down. That and the fact that I looked up Madonna tickets and they are $100 more than what we paid last time. The only way I can purchase four for me and my friends is to use the parental units' credit card. Have they responded to me whether or not I can use it? no! Wow, God hates me. Guess who just came on the radio??

I need to go see her. She is a necessity in my life.

I'm not sure I'm as lonely as I thought I was going to be moving out of a 5 bedroom house with 4 roommates. Having my own place is terribly relaxing, minus the extra costs in bills. I'm excited for my place to be absolutely finished so people can come over. I think that's the kind of person I am: love having company, then I'm like, "Ok, you can go now so I have the place to myself."

I need perking up. The question is, "how?"

2008-05-04T21:52:00.000-07:00

I'm heading into the eye of the storm of this transitional phase of my life. It's scary, for sure. I think what is scary is I genuinely want to feel happy, yet I don't know if I can.

Recently, I think I've been in a funk of being single, which is totally dumb because I know I'm not one of those people who think having someone in your life completes you. That's total bull. I don't know why, but I've been so dissatisfied with the way my life has panned out the past year. I was stuck in a job I never liked that really didn't mean anything to me. I stayed in a place I was ready to leave and venture off into another integral part of my life.

I want to say the reasoning behind the funk is the fact it's been 2 years since my last relationship, almost exactly, give or take a couple weeks. I like to think that's the reason I've been evaluating that part of my life recently, but who knows? It could just be an excuse. I think deep down it bothers me I haven't been able to make a connection with someone since that time.

My problem is that I'm impatient. I acknowledge that. The problem within that is just dealing with it.

Completely unrelated, I feel lately I have had a hard time having trust in people. Not in the relationship sense, but just with follow through. Especially guys. They are SO frustrating. I absolutely hate it when someone says something and does the other. Huge pet peeve in my book. I hate having to evaluate the friendships I have because I've always treated all of my friends like they were my best.

I feel like I died this weekend. Like I didn't exist. I suppose it was a good time for self-reflection and what not (and by what not, I mean watching Weeds: Seasons 1 and 2 consecutively. Really good, by the way). I'm beginning to get nervous about living by myself, because I love my alone time, yet when I've had enough of it and need to get out of the house to do something, who am I going to go out with?

A bunch of emotions I'm going to have to deal with in the next month. yay (?)

2008-04-13T12:47:00.000-07:00

My life is finally changing and I'm excited for it. I'm not moving down to LA like I thought, however, I am starting a new job as of May 1st. Dominican University in San Rafael offered me a position as an Admissions Specialist, so I get professional experience in a university setting (hmm...I don't need an 'an' in front of university).

I also get to my master's degree for FREE. I don't have to pay a cent. Amazing, right? The program I would get my MA in is Humanities, which is the closest thing to Student Affairs they offer, but with my MA out of the way, I can pursue other jobs in the field of Student Affairs and/or possibly get my Ph.D. in Student Affairs down the road.

A free MA worth $56,344. I'm thinking...yes!

I'm not sure if my brain is emotionally trying to psyche myself up for this because I was eager to move to LA, but I don't care right now. This opportunity is exciting and I should give myself more credit. I've gotten a lot of people telling me "Congratulations!" and it hasn't phased me yet. I think once I move and start the job, everything is going to hit me. I am excited for that.

I think I'm most excited about going back to school. A new place to live, new people to work with, an overall new experience. I can't wait!

2008-04-02T17:15:00.000-07:00

I cannot express how much the above statement means. Why are people so dumb?

I've had some built-up animosity, so I'm choosing to channel it into this pet peeve. Healthy, right?

2008-03-30T15:16:00.000-07:00

My brain is all out of sorts. I've been perusing around the Internet all day and I've had a lot of time to sit here and think about my future. It's pretty scary, to be completely honest, but at the same time, I'm so unbelievably excited.

My woes consist of whether or not I'm staying in Northern Cali or moving to LA. I've already psyched myself up to move down south: mentally prepared myself, told the parentals it's a go, applied to numerous jobs in the media industry. Now, I have an interview on Thursday for a university up here in San Rafael and I can honestly say I'm afraid to get it. Much like my UCLA debacle, I would have been excited to know if I got in or not because it would force me to make a decision I didn't want to make: stay or go. Now that I've made up my mind I want to go, I can't very well pass up a professional job in the field I want to study just because it's not in the area I want it...especially because it's so hard to find a job right now.

Maybe I'm getting my hopes up. As much as I know I'm qualified for the position, maybe they will turn me down again (I already applied to a job at this university and didn't get it). Begrudgingly, I have learned to not get my hopes up after my declination to UCLA so if something doesn't work out in my favor, I cannot be as worked up about it as before.

I admittedly have tunnel vision right now and the light at the end of it is the shining lights of LA. And it's not just the conventional LA "thing" so many people cringe at. It's the lifestyle, the atmosphere, the company, the nightlife, the opportunities, all of that and then some.

This is one of those moments I completely envy those individuals who can throw caution to the wind and pick up everything to follow their dream. I'm far too analytical and hypercritical to do that. As much as I want to, my gut says, "don't." I guess what it comes down to is whether or not I get that job. I can't pass it up if opportunity comes knocking at my door. I can't not also follow my heart.

2008-03-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a page out of Michelle's blog and deciding to get back to my roots in writing. Obviously, a significant number of events have occurred since I last wrote in here: relationship ending, graduating college, moving into a house with a revolving door of roommates, starting my first professional job, so on and so forth.

It's hard to believe it's almost been a year since I've graduated. I don't regret staying up here at all because this last year, though chaotic, taught me a lot about myself. I naturally thought staying here would not allow me to grow as an individual, but it inevitably happened. Ups and downs with friends, family, and matters of the heart. I've learned to appreciate the subtleties of where I am. I still long for an area that's booming with people and places to go, but now that my time here is drawing to a close, I feel a new level of acceptance for it. I'm almost afraid to say time here is ending, seeing how it's not definite yet, but realistically speaking (which is so unlike me), it is time.

I'm not sure how the home situation will pan out. I was indirectly shot down from my dad on moving back home for a couple of months until I find a place. I know I'm welcome, but there is an unspoken disapproval that he and I will just have to deal with. I am, oddly enough, excited to be back with my family, sans him. It's terrible to read once it's down on ....uh, screen (I really wanted to say paper), but it's a self-realization and acknowledgment he does not make me emotionally well. It gets easier to let things go now that I'm older and I definitely want to be there for my sister and mom when dealing with some of his stubborness. We will see how things pan out.

I'm excited for what is to come.

2006-04-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

When Spring Break comes to mind, I think of it with anticipation and dread. Fabulous combination, right? I haven't been home in almost 3 months and I'm not so sure I want to go home. I mean, I do, but I don't. I'm afraid that my week of rest is going to turn out into "since you're home, let's repaint the house!" The scary thing is that I think it will sadly turn out that way. At least I get to see my puppy :)

Just one kiss on my lips
Was all it took to seal the future
Just one look from your eyes
Was like a certain kind of torture

Mark and I just rented this French film called Novo. I'm not sure what to think of it, exactly. It reminds me of 50 First Dates, except sex...lots of sex. I really liked the camera angles and the way the film was shot overall. I'm a sucker for foreign films. God, that sounds cliché.

Once upon a time
There was a boy and there was a girl
Just one touch from your hands
Was all it took to make me falter

I feel a bit disconnected from my friends, at the moment. It's so hard to find time to give them a call - and I hate that I have to make time, ugh. Who thought that being a junior in college would be so difficult? Oh wait...everyone. It's hard being away from them because we grew up together and I know them all like the back of my hand. Scary to think we are slowly growing apart. The good thing about that is that as soon as we talk, we pick up where we left off. I like that.

Forbidden love
Are we supposed to be together?
Forbidden love, forbidden love
Forbidden love
We sealed our destiny forever
Forbidden love, forbidden love

on-call tonight. School year is almost over. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Too many things are going to happen at the end of May that I'd rather not think about.

2006-03-19T12:56:00.000-08:00

Got Morningwood? - Entertainment